Top Ten Things I Learned While Reading Nelson Branco's New Column
Portions in italics come from Nelson Branco's newest column.
Four simple yet powerful words effortlessly erased the past three hellish months from my memory: "Written by Ron Carlivati."
(Still talking about the magic of seeing Ron's name): I'm going to ask Lauri Hogan, One Life to Live's charming publicist for a screen grab of that iconic still so I can frame and hang it in my office full of my favourite art, books, and TV and film memorabilia.
On the night of May 5th, I gathered a couple of my friends, some who've never watched OLTL until I forced the soap snobs to watch Carlivati's Llanview, over a delicious bottle of wine (okay, a handful) to watch his May 2nd debut along with that day's episode (‘cause one eppy would not be enough for us who were jonesing for a hit of magic after enduring the past few arduous months).
Within the first four minutes of his return, characters woke up, grew back their hearts, souls, and most importantly, their brains. It was akin to a resurrection - and it wasn't even Sunday.
(Sure, Jesus resurrected Himself and that Lazarus dude, but, Ron brought back a whole town, complete with new body parts. I'd say that puts Ron ahead, at least until the rapture.)
My friends and I gasped for air when we realized we'd purposely forgotten how orgasmic his writing is as a strategy to survive the writers' strike.
Another reason Mr. C's absence was heartbreaking was because Carlivati had just begun penning his magic for a mere six months before we were reminded how soulless this soap used to be. It was surreal to watch because I questioned whether or not I actually conjured up Mr. C!
OK, my parole officer isn't going to like this one bit, but I'm currently plotting to fly down to New York City and kidnap Tuc Watkins (David).
(Okay, so we already knew this one.)
Jason Tam and Brittany Underwood: OLTL's Jack and Karen
Brandon Buddy (Cole) and Kristen Alderson (Starr) are the Will and Grace to the increasingly fascinating Jason Tam (Marco) and Brittany Underwood's (Langston) Jack and Karen. When Todd tried to "kill" Marco and Langston, Tam and Langston proved once again they are the most promising young couple to watch on all of daytime.
Now that Beverlee McKinsey (ex-Iris, Another World; ex-Alex, Guiding Light) is entertaining God and co. with her theatrics, Strasser has inherited her former AW nemesis' throne.
(This is fascinating, since Strasser left her role as AW's Rachel for the second and final time in the summer of 1972, several months before McKinsey began playing Iris. McKinsey did appear on AW earlier in the year as Steve's sister, Emma--for a whopping three episodes. Hardly enough time to build a rivalry--in fact, I'm not sure they even shared scenes together. Apparently, Strasser and McKinsey are not only among the finest actresses ever to grace daytime, they are also powerful enough to violate the space-time continuum.
By the way, the above information was gleamed from the book, "Eight Years in Another World," written by Harding LeMay, the celebrated author who helmed Another World from 1971-1979. During his tenure, LeMay was able to move AW up in the ratings by entire points-not one-tenth of a point in a certain demographic, but entire points. However, while LeMay received many accoldates and superlatives for his work, "orgasmic" wasn't one of them. Also, LeMay never titled his episodes. So what the heck does he know?)
....
(What, you need an example for this one?)
For a positive, non-deranged view of Carlivati's Llanview, try Soaps by Remote.
I'm all for praising quality work, but Branco is so over-the-top with his
Carlivati love that it's almost turning me off to OLTL.
And that, I think, is the danger. I don't think readers mind when critics
show praise or enthusaism or even engage in a bit of hyperbole. But they
probably draw the line at stalker.
He clearly lacks objectivity. His initial assessment of Carlivati's OLTL
was too much. In the first four minutes, he talked about as if it were the
Citizen Kane of daytime. I agree the show is better with him Carlivati
writing it, but the pedestal he is putting it on is skewed at best. Its a
good show but its not Doug Marlands, As The World Turns or Claire Labines
GH. He's made several comparisons. I just don't see it.
And if they don't draw the line here, they definitely will when Branco
tells everyone how he surprised Ron in the shower.
Nelson Branco is a vile starf--ker. He's never heard a name he didn't want
to drop.
"His "personal" comments about Beverlee McKinsey were so tasteless I wanted
to vomit."
I think that at this point, one of the selling points of Branco's column is
his reverence for Carlivati. I am by no means defending the man, but his
aim is to sell a column and this level of frightening hyperbole is almost
impossible not to read and gawk at. To that extent I think it's
successful.
Can you link to Maggie Cochran's, I mean, Nelson Branco's comments about
Bev's passing, Snark?
http://tvguide.sympatico.msn.ca/The+Suds+Report+May+9+2008/Soaps/Suds/Artic
les/080509_news_nelson.htm?isfa=1
Thanks, Snark -- oh, and next time I ask for a link to one of that vile
man's columns, pretend I didn't. Okay?
Proceed with caution.....Nelson's readers already know from his prior
column(s) that anyone who dares to contradict him, he'll completely and
utterly trash you in print. (I'm still astonished at how hateful he was
when he tore Marlena to shreds in print.) Professionalism be damned, as
long he has the last word - or has people talking.
GuillermoIbarra,
I actually thought the preceding paragraph was even worse. "Why, I
couldn't believe that I was devastated by Beverlee McKinsey's death. Her
death affected me as much as Heath Ledger's!" Apparently, all daytime
deaths will now be measured on the Heath Ledger-Bette Davis scale.
If we're to cotton to some sort of celebrity death devastations—like a
presumptious requirement these days that all politicians must acknowledge
personally practicing a given religion—okay, Snark and company, here
goes....
DS0816, yes, that was exactly what I was talking about.